Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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