There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My room smells like vodka and shame
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
