On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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