I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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