This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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