if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
