My first STD was from a foam party
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
