I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
