We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
