he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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