Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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