And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
