Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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