I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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