remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
