Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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