my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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