I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
