this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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