I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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