oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
did i walk over a car last night?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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