Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
