i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
well you can't waste a boner
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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