Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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