Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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