I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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