Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
