whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
