i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
