the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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