Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
