Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We are two peas in an std pod
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
