If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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