My sheets look like a crime scene.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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