Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Randomize
