the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
