Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
