sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
