Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
