Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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