i barfeds in our rink
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
