You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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