sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
