my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
