i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
