Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
sick fucks of a feather flock together
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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