Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
