I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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