That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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