also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
