dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
