...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
