come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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