life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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