Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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