bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
