Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
