Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
