you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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