at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
