I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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