It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
