Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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