well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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