I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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