My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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