idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
