operation harelip BJ is a go
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
